Posted by
Snake on Friday, December 18, 2009 4:33:37 PM
One of the key ingredients missing in people’s lives and marriages (and in our relativistic culture overall) is that of Integrity!
Integrity literally means “wholeness” – the same values applied to every part of one’s life! The lack of this is not only evident in Tiger’s (and many other) sad situations, but in the responses to them for the most part. You see ‘experts’, much like Dr. Phil (the media’s expert on all related matters?!?), talking about, “What are the women thinking?” or about the “warrior” mentality, etc. However, you can go right back to Tiger’s own statements and see where the problem lies with him and most of the proferred 'solutions' regarding him and this situation (and it is also why these ‘solutions’ will never work long-term). This is true of most people and relationships as well and I know I’ve been there and every person I’ve ever dealt with has been there at some point in their life.
Tiger made the public statement, something to the effect, “I have not been true to my values…”. Herein lies the Integrity problem with him and all the ‘solutions’ claiming to offer an answer as they allow personal wants, ‘needs’, pleasure, etc. to define each and every person’s “values” without any regard for universal values (which is most likely what Tiger is referring to in his statement without realizing that he actually has been deceiving himself all along – as are any of the so-called solutions that lack true character values but are based on relativistic values that can never bring about Integrity)!
This is THE ISSUE – Tiger claims he has not been true to his values but in reality his outward life, golf, ads, persona claimed to be all about being upright, respectful, honorable, etc., when in his real life he was living out the exact values he has deceived himself to believe he could get by with. These were totally out of line (thus lacking Integrity) with what he claims he based his life on. The affairs were his values! Again, Integrity means “wholeness” and it is not there. His life obviously wasn’t whole as is now open for all the world to see and his is just a microcosm of most relationships that I observe and deal with. You can’t separate and compartmentalize your life and it not catch up with you eventually!
Many people give lip service to the “values” they were taught and know are good, but in their lives they actually live out what they’ve decided are the values they want to engage in to gratiate or satisfy their own desires - despite the impact on those around them, in particular spouses, children and family – as long as they don’t get caught – and this gives the illusion that one is still living by his/her values when they are not. They just haven’t been exposed yet! You see the problem is that Tiger “spoke” (in numerous public settings and ads) one set of values and lived a totally different set – truly lacking Integrity. The real values (what was really valued) were the ones that he chose and acted upon, as I fully suspect that what was done in his marriage and home was not what was done in Vegas, New York, Australia or elsewhere – modeling a hidden life that clearly lacked Integrity!
I don’t say this to blast Tiger or any and all the rest of us who may be deceiving ourselves by living “most areas” of our outward lives as though we’re holding to and living out solid values (character traits) that we know we ought to live by. The evidence is clear by the way people carry on the “real values” – the ones they actually act on when they think they can get by with them (we know they are not good values as evidenced by the secrecy and hiding of them) but showing the rest of the world (the whole world in Tiger’s case or our little world in most other people’s cases) that we’ve got everything in line and are living out those great values. In reality, what we do in ‘darkness’ is what our values really are, as those are the ones that drive our hidden schedules, closed door viewings, secret budgets and spending, etc., not to mention our thought life! It’s just that they aren’t the values we know are truly good and we know we ought to be living by! Again, lack of Integrity!
Integrity means that every part of our lives lines up with those time-tested, universal values, not 90% lining up and 10%, not so much. This is at the core of personal life issues, marriages, parenting and family as well as our govt., culture, media and education. And then we wonder why we continue to have to deal with the continuing cycle of marriage/family/parenting issues and the culture at large as we do.
In my conversations with numerous people and couples, when we get to this issue, usually very early, it blows them away that as much as they want to be seen as a person of Integrity, as most all of us do, they really aren’t, and haven’t been living their lives as such, but are leading a “double life” or worse (triple, quadruple, quintuple life as the case may be!). Once their eyes are opened to see that their life, marriage and family is out of balance because of this lack of integrity in claiming they live by quality character values but in reality are only doing so as convenient, and then only in specific areas of their lives as 'needed' (i.e., the “values” they claim are not their real values as hard as that is to admit and confess), then we can begin to turn the corner in their lives, marriages and families! And, by the way, this would also help us turn the corner in our churches, workplaces, education, media and govt. as it all begins in the Home!
If they can’t reconcile this ISSUE of Integrity (every part of their lives, marriages, families, etc. in ‘sync’ with no “double life or standards”), it is highly unlikely they will ever overcome these continued failings and subsequent consequences! The trouble is that we accept this more freely from our “superstars” and it trickles down to the rest of our culture and society as so many others live vicariously through these people and the false images and lack of Integrity that is very real but seldom exposed, or when exposed, is excused without any real life change or true recognition and development of Integrity (if you don’t believe this just listen in on peoples’/couples’ conversations and see how much of it is linked to TV shows, music, movies, athletes, etc. - facades, instead of real life issues?!?).
I hope and pray that Tiger really comes to the understanding that the problem IS his “values” as that is exactly what he’s been living out and they are not in sync – no Integrity! If he realizes this and begins to live out those true values, that I believe he was referring to in his statement, but not living by in his “whole life”, then there is hope that he can regain his personal footing, reconcile his marriage (assuming the his wife is willing to work through this with him?) and become that “whole” person, the one that lives out those values in every area of his life – a life of Integrity!
Finally, we can’t continue in our education system, media and government, to push the dishonest (lacking Integrity) rhetoric, deception, and hypocrisy that is Contraceptive-promotion Sex Education (CSE). The “free sex” agenda, as it should really be called, has brought about a promiscuous, anything goes, ‘hook-up’, “friends with ‘benefits’” lifestyle that we now know develops habits, patterns and disciplines (actually lack thereof) that remain with us, mentally, emotionally and even physiologically, and can’t just be turned off when someone simply puts on a wedding ring! The guidance for our youth needs to be that of a strong, respectful (of self and others) and disciplined lifestyle with all its rewards and sacrifices that can help them prepare for, and be carried over into healthy, loving marriages, as they choose, that can withstand the sexual onslaughts of the culture and remain committed out of true Love and Respect (again for self and others) not the counterfeit love (actually lust), driven by emotions and selfish pleasure, peddled by the CSE ideologists.
This can only be done when Integrity (and all that it entails) is modeled and taught. For when it is not, well… Mr. and Mrs. Woods are just the most recent and glaring consequence of the CSE culture!
Surely we can do better and Character-based Abstinence until Marriage and Healthy Relationship Education programs are at the core and a key part of the foundation that will help get us there!